Firstly the name; an accident of annoyance at being denied picture access at the local library. Now it makes a simple and effective mission statement. I have used the internet for years, but I only got a home connection very recently, so actually talking to people online is a new concept for me. I know lots about science, literature and pretty girls but little about art. So I have decided to offer my writings instead. I got an "A" for every essay I ever wrote so it's a question of daring to share my fantasies and musings online.

I am six feet tall, with brown eyes, defiantly scruffy hair and unique for many reasons. Since I was 15 I have suffered a from IBS-irritiable bowel syndrome. Not poofy "I feel bloated" advert IBS, but intense pain 24h a day forever, immune to all known treatment IBS. This is combined with some unknown hypothalamus malfunction which makes me sleep upto 12 hours per night. Also my metabolism is totally screwed, I eat 10,000 calories a day! Am I a 50 stone wideload scarfing McLARDBURGERS do you ask? No, whilst by now I should be visible from space, I have remained exactly 16 stone for 10 years, thus the mystery. However the fact that all my "ammunition dumps" should be sealed in lead drums and fired into the sun is hardly a case for Mulder and Scully. I am not jokingly described as a walking biological warfare factory for nothing ( I made it up).Ironically, because of the whole wierd metabolism thing I have not physically aged since I was 15 either. I swear the locals can't tell the difference...

This means several things, firstly I may be IMMORTAL (muaha ha), secondly I am on enough nasty medication to kill ordinary mortals; and thirdly, whilst I am intellectually 27, in physicality and psychologically I am also 15. This gives me a unique perspective on things.

I have lots of imagination, from books and all those online naughty stories. Also the whole IBS thing makes me have really strange, elaborate dreams. Apart from the obvious, my fetishistic interests include smoking girls, heels, tattoos, piercings, long sexy fingernails,hot lipstick, sexy corsets, police uniforms, handcuffs and rubber nurses. Tight and shiny is always the best! As you can guess, I filled my time at school downloading things I shouldn't have...

Intelligence wise I have a shitload of GCSE's, 5.5 A levels and half of a Metallurgy degree. Because of my illness, and travelling 3h a day just to reach uni, I missed out on all the sexy fun... Teasingly, my testosterone seems to be the only hormone that still bloody works properly!
Because exam stress messes with the IBS I got screwed by BIRMINGHAM UNIVERSITY (boo, hiss). So now I'm doing a geosciences degree from home instead.

Apparently my brains really are unique because I was born two months premature as a (insert PC word of choice). Somehow my brain repaired itself, meaning I got very smart, very fast. Hell I read Tolkien when I was 8!. When I was sent to the psychiatrists because of my extreme IBS symptoms, they gracefully decided that I am surprisingly not a GIBBERING LUNATIC at all.

I really am a nice person, I love mischievous pets, and I always had lots of friends. Burping at random loudly enough to echo; and very occaisonally gassing entire rooms, lends a kind of anti-charisma to my sarcastic yet funny personality. It can ouch a bit, but people coughing, swearing profanities and pulling clothes over their noses is hilarious. (me:"oh no, not again?!")But then by comparison, one of my girlie friends used her alarm clock as a watch. Maybe my personality attracts cute, sexy oddballs. If any of my girlie friends felt any deeper feelings for me they never professed...

I have nothing in common with local girls, despite living in a supposedly posh area of the Birmingham conurbation, they all drink (I can't), do drugs , and most are uneducated chav scum hanging around bus shelters(local schools have gone waaaaay downhill).I could go hang around my old college but that is probably classed as stalking. Still there must be some smart, sexy women somewhere...

So to sum up, I am a friendly, pretty unusual, quite pervy boy, in need of a gorgeous, sexy, naughty girl to corrupt me. Operators are standing by...

Here is a list of the story ideas currently whizzing around in my brain:

Slave to the Ashtray Club, servicing their needs
Electra-Shannon Tweed embraces evil
Add more to Slutty Auntie Chastity, O'earl?
Add more to Romantic Seduction
Add more to Candi, an angel fallen
Add new chapter to Encouraged to be Slutty
Add new chapter to Vivian
Add new chapter to Countess Carmina
Auntie Nicotina-youtube fetish model
Caleyesque
Terry Ghost- maybe Rio, DrBaghead
Librarians Punished-master pc meme
Ghetto Goddesses, kidnapped in New York
Masumi Max, caged and slaved
Bought by a Bitch (corrupted by Masumi)
Satanic Nuns-Lovis-8
Hylenne-Lovis-8
Capnolagnia Hospital-lots of depraved nurses
Daddy's Little Angel-teenage succubus, Steevdragon
The Master is Pleased-succubus, Steevdragon
Meat Street-Sweetmouth
Smokin' Hyppnotherapy, false credentials-Tanya, internet milf
Forced Seduction, tied together-Bee Bryant, RocketDave
Fiery Eye in the Sky Denied-lurking at the beach, periscope, Tekweapons
Job Retraining-sleazy barmaid, Lipstick Girl, SouthernCharms
Road Trip to Heaven-Charlie Laine, youtube, altasmoking
Boob Dreams-teenage cutie
Fetish party Extravaganza-Corseta, internet model
These Boots Are Made For Stalking-Kitten, internet fetish model
Blank Slate, amenisia opportunity-evil plastic surgeon, old internet story
Auntie Peaches is Hookerlicious-Peaches, upinsmoke slut
Sex Goddess Virus, twisted physiology-Donita Dunes
Slut Transformer, Ayla melons, UEDGuy
Satanic Stepmom-flanker25
A daughter to be proud of-wonderwoman punked, Flanker25
Sexy Student-Jade, colight
Smokin' Photography-gullible/horny DA models
BITCH-Victoria Brown, pornstar, youtube, smokingdomination, smokeymouths
Demagogue Silenced, opinions reversed-Megan/Selena, colight
Sextoy Sorority
Lustus-Octorber13
Smoking Amazons- Emily
El Presidente-Tropico
Ember-sandybellf
Dark Diana-exgemini
Evil Relic-vampiric, soul corruption
Transgender corruption-anonymous
Vampire Nurses at the bloodbank
Nina-smoking fetish hospital
Friend like Candi- Knight-Bishop
100 a day, keeps the fresh air at bay-at the gym
More Smoky Airways
Witchie Boo-Quidditch practice(riding things) Sublime slime(and writhing tentacles)
Shoe Shop Sluts
Slave to the Ashtray Club
Bad Babesitter
Teen Tease-twinkle's little stars
Loki's Mask
Ever kissed an Ashtray?-nicotine filled makeup, muahahahahaaa!
The "kittenslayer."
The Box of Lurking
Paws of Fury, Gravity Defied
Elvish Reality-cigar club

NEWS FLASH-All my fascinated peeps may be interested to hear that I seem to be going through a second puberty! I've been growing more annoying facial hair, which demands shaving otherwise I look like a scruffbag, have been exceptionally full of hormones, thus the industrious quantities of scandalous filth I've written of late, and my waist has shrunk to the point where my trousers keep falling down! Wierd, especially given how exceptionally hungry I've been...